


Sherlock, Circles and a Second Childhood

by unknownsister



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Character Development, Character Study, Childhood, Meta, Mind Palace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:02:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknownsister/pseuds/unknownsister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I saw this series as a row of circles closing, ones that opened in S1 and S2, but are just now reaching completion as Sherlock has come through his second childhood at the end of HLV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sherlock, Circles and a Second Childhood

**The First Death**

Sherlock 'died' at the end of TRF because he willingly gave up his old way of life. As the audience saw it, he disappeared for the safety of his loved ones and to – we could guess – get rid of the rest of Moriarty's network. If Sherlock's explanation of his fall to Anderson is the one we're supposed to believe, then there was never any danger to Mrs. Hudson, John or Lestrade, as Lazarus had already taken their safety into account.

  
This 'death' opens the first circle. Sherlock was more than a little bit selfish when he jumped. If he went off to pursue Moriarty's web and that entire street was a controlled area, then there wasn't a reason for Sherlock not to tell John what was going on. When Sherlock, John and Mary are in the final diner during TEH, Sherlock says:

_SHERLOCK: ... I worried that, you know, you might say something indiscreet._  
 _JOHN: What?_  
 _SHERLOCK: Well, you know, let the cat out of the bag._

John indiscreet? John Watson, who would do absolutely anything for Sherlock Holmes, including lying to the face of some important government types in HOB? Including being perfectly discreet about anything else they do – he didn't type up any of the more sensitive cases for his blog. I fully believe John would have been able to keep Sherlock's secret and help him, even if someone from Moriarty's network was watching. It would have helped both of them on the mental stability front, at least.

So why didn't Sherlock tell John? I'm going to take the line from Magnussen where he tells Sherlock, “But look how you care about John Watson. Your damsel in distress.” I think by TRF, Sherlock is starting to realize that John Watson is way more than just a flatmate, a partner, even without the Johnlock goggles on. This is someone who has slowly and surely been changing Sherlock's life into something he never knew he could have or even want. Sherlock doesn't see himself in terms of the 'hero' that is saving John Watson, but he certainly thinks of himself with an inflated ego. He's always been alone before and now he has someone to protect and he will go about protecting him as he had before John came into his life – alone. He's saving John from danger, but bringing him unintentional heartache because Sherlock can see their relationship, but – to turn his own words against him – he doesn't _observe_ the worth of it.

As evidenced by his return in TEH, Sherlock definitely didn't know the implications of leaving John alone for so long. It's like he went to a different version of his mind palace – one that took place in the real world, where he still talked to John, but John wasn't cognizant of what was going on because he wasn't there. When Sherlock emerged victorious, he picked up right where they left off while John absolutely did not.

This ties into Sherlock's arrested development and where I want to touch on the beginnings of his second childhood. By TRF, Sherlock displays a lot of childlike tendencies without being an outright child. He's obviously a bit of a brat, sulks often, does exactly what he feels like without remorse, but – like a child – he sees absolutely everything & the people around him tend to blame him less because of this skill [to a begrudging point].

This taking it all in is useful to his work, but he stops there. He can see everything, but he's lost the meaning in relation to himself. Deducing people and situations are helpful to the work, but Sherlock stopped developing the capacity to put things together in an emotional sense because these situations are data, events and facts to be stored and processed or deleted.

Deleting things seems to be his go-to excuse for this arrested development. He doesn't have to explain why he doesn't understand something if he says that he deleted it because it was irrelevant. It might truly be irrelevant to him, but the Sherlock who comes back in S3 doesn't find these things irrelevant at all and that's where things get interesting in his character development.

**The Rebirth**

TEH is Sherlock's rebirth from his time away. He not only symbolically cuts off all that manky hair, but births are difficult and this episode proved hard for everyone involved. Sherlock did not realize he was going to have this rebirth at all. He was growing emotionally during his absence, as evidenced by his hat talk with Mycroft. The absence of John made him realize what he had been experiencing in the first place – friendship, affection, companionship, basically not lonely. But before he sees John again face to face, this realization of rebirth hasn't hit him yet. He puts on the old armor of his coat and his old facade because they served him well before the Fall, not realizing that that armor doesn't fit him anymore.

It takes the pain of John's anger, his literal headbutting, knowledge that John moved on while he was gone, then the emotional hurt of that raw apology for him to push through and become the brand new wobbly legged faun Sherlock we see in TSOT. At least, he's emotionally new.

Evidence for Sherlock growing without realizing it in his isolation is the fact that he apologizes at all. 'Old' Sherlock wouldn't have bothered to apologize in the least. At the beginning of TEH, we're seeing the bits of that old Sherlock shedding off, as he realizes exactly what he's done to John. He still tries to brush it off by saying John is “over-reacting,” a truthful response to him, but he's still now starting to reacquaint himself with the world, reconnect to those he lost connection with that he didn't even realize he was truly connected to in the first place. Leaving behind the pure work and coming back, Sherlock's trying to find his footing in this new life.

So now let's talk about his new childhood – The Sign of Three.

**Childhood**

The serviettes, the mad wedding preparations, the single-mindedness – Sherlock is nervous about losing John. This is the person who has been his best friend, the voice in his head, but also his guardian. He has to grow up and get on with his life without him. He'll have to rely on his own skills and perceptions when John leaves his life for real.

Since his first acquaintance with Sherlock, John has been the 'bit not good' voice of his conscience that Sherlock either willingly smothered/deleted or he chooses to ignore it for sake of ease with the work. John isn't someone he'd smother [we hope not], and he is nearly the picture of decency on the outside, almost to a fault. Of course, Sherlock wouldn't keep him around if he was completely wholesome, but John is the one who apologizes, who gets the groceries, who makes sure they give the police statements.

But at the reception in TSOT, instead of needing John to tell him 'not good,' Sherlock is learning to ask 'Did I do it wrong?' This is such a turnaround from S1 and 2 Sherlock – he asked 'not good' a few times in the past series, but when he turns to John now, it's as a question framed to learn. Asking 'did I do it wrong?' suggests that he wants to learn the right way to do something and John is the one to tell him how.

John's the one to complete the rebooting process when he tells Sherlock the value of their friendship, that he's his best friend, of course he is. He's finally pulled him out of the messy, complicated emotional stuff and woken him up to what they can actually mean to each other, instead of Sherlock trying to figure things out on his own side, alone. He's no longer alone – he _belongs_ to someone, not just as a novelty or a burden tolerated, but as a friend. A _best_ friend.

It's like his conversation with Mycroft now applies to himself two-fold. Sherlock knew he was lonely, knew that John made him better, but he never expected to make _John_ better – proving more-so his innocence of mind. Sherlock thinks of himself as a machine [which John has as well], but producing feelings of friendship and love in another person completely reboots his system – indicating this is probably something that has never happened before.

Much like a child, he then proceeds to fixate solely on John's happiness to the point of maybe driving Mary and John up the wall. All those folded opera houses, indicative of nervousness and anxiety and John is going to leave, just when he's figured it all out. He's putting all the passionate energy he devotes to cases into something as mundane as a wedding. Because he needs to prove to John that's capable, that he knows John is leaving and he's going to be fine, just watch. He takes on tasks that lessen the weight on John and Mary's shoulders because to a degree, this will show how good he can be on his own, while he not so subtly freaks out about everything.

Also, Archie is the only person in the episode that he speaks to on solid ground. With every adult, there is a pretense of putting on his best face, but not with the kid. They are equals, so to speak. His honesty is played for laughs, but for Sherlock there's not a single other person in that episode that he's completely honest with. He's not outright lying to anyone, but there are so many levels of interaction between say, Sherlock and John, or Sherlock and Mycroft. There's no pretense with Archie. It makes sense that he's the one to trigger the answer to the case during the wedding reception because they are of the same mind.

If John and Mary notice the change in Sherlock, then surely the person who watched Sherlock actually grow up notices too. From the Holmes Brothers phone call at the reception:

_MYCROFT: Oh, by the way, Sherlock – do you remember Redbeard?_  
 _SHERLOCK: I’m not a child any more, Mycroft._  
 _MYCROFT: No, of course you’re not. Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock._

At first, I thought perhaps Mycroft was being snide, but then thinking further on it, I think he might be able to see what's going on with Sherlock more clearly than Sherlock himself – because Mycroft has always seen his baby brother. With Sherlock reforming himself closer and closer to what he was like as an actual child [and all the vulnerabilities that come with childhood], I'm pretty certain that Mycroft, probably the smartest man in England, is able to pick up on at least a few of the emotional developments his brother is going through.

But why mention Redbeard? Is Mycroft being cruel to be kind? If he's harkening back to Sherlock's actual childhood, when he lost something very precious to him, then I can see his reminder as a warning to Sherlock that he's going to have to grow up very soon. If you interpret the reminder this way, Sherlock assuring him that he's not a child anymore [something a child would definitely say] is telling the audience that he growing more towards an adolescence now, the petulant stage of feeling grown up and trying to find your own way while still being inexperienced.

**Adulthood**

  
Sherlock leaves at the end of the wedding and the next time we see him, he's in a drug den after disappearing for a month. His visible warmth and gratitude seem to disappear when he puts on that coat armor again when he's 'abandoned' at the end of TSOT. Sherlock now has to be an 'adult' again, the way he was before John. He reverts back to drugs – even if it was for a case, there's no need for him to alert John to his presence. Why else but for attention?

This is where darling, lovely Molly is the voice of reason. She slaps the hell out of him for using because she sees straight through him. John might could have been talked around to believing this was for a case alone, but Molly is done with Sherlock's bullshit. She sees his childish behavior after he's done so much growing – she sees him regressing to old Sherlock, the adult child without friends or feelings. She even reminds him of the people who love him – something that Sherlock so recently found out for himself, something that was changing him profoundly.

 _MOLLY: How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with?_  
(She glances briefly towards John and then looks back at Sherlock.)  
MOLLY: And how dare you betray the love of your friends? Say you’re sorry.

Molly is the new voice of reason because she knows what he's been through, she knew how terrible it was going to be for him to make that best man's speech, she knows exactly what he's doing. She even tells him to say he's sorry like an adult – more than a bit not good, apologize _right now_. There's a reason why Molly is in his mind palace when he's dying – a new guardian. She guides him with facts and instructions, clear and concise and what he needs to hear to survive. He knows on some level that Molly absolutely believes in him and understands him in a way that John does not.

**The Mind Palace**

As Sherlock is dying, he's coming back full circle, down to his very basic instincts and fears, away from the unfeeling reasoning he valued so highly. He turns into a child in his mind, back to his very beginnings, before he began turning into the Sherlock we see in the first two series – reverting to a boy being bullied into being smarter by his superior brother.

If Mycroft saw safety for his brother in making him shut out his emotional well being, it was only because it was the way he had coped himself. I see their childhood relationship as Mycroft truly caring for his brother, but not knowing how to express it without making himself or Sherlock appear weak. They were already at a disadvantage for being smarter than all the 'goldfish,' and being different doesn't make for an easy life.

This is the final skin shedding off the old Sherlock. He had his second childhood because of John, but what he learned wasn't sticking. He was casting off his new lessons in how to be a normal human because he thought John was leaving him behind, leaving him to learn for himself and he'd rather just not learn at all. When he's reduced to a child again in his palace, he is truly going back to stage one, back to very essence of himself.

He demands Moriarty to tell him how he deals with fear, how he deals with pain, and there's no true answer from himself. These are things that John didn't tell him about, that he didn't learn how to deal with. The closest understanding he has to a meaningful death is putting down his childhood dog. I think that's why it's important that he _does_ die in this episode – he 'died' once before and didn't attach a meaning to it, or he would have been more kind to John. When he's dying for real, he realizes on that padded floor that _he_ has meaning beyond just his brain, his cases, the work.

_JIM: You’re letting him down, Sherlock. John Watson is definitely in danger._

This time, John Watson is the reason he comes back to life, but Sherlock does it himself. He pounds the floor, restarts his own heart, and brings himself back from the dead to protect the one he loves. There is not a single doubt that he loves John Watson after that mind palace scene, and now that he has experienced a meaningful death and come full circle in the course of the series, he is ready to give it all up again without hesitation with a selfless death.

**The Circles**

One circle was just completed – Sherlock died, was reborn, grew into what he thought was an adult, then died again. But this second childhood sticks. When he comes back to life in that operating room, the thing that brought him back to life was love, compassion, protectiveness, fear – all things that would have been unheard of in old Sherlock.

This second childhood is the next circle. He never completed his first childhood. Thanks to his first guardian, Mycroft, he grew up trying to be like him – cold, isolated, brilliant and sharp, never knowing that the warmer emotions wouldn't cloud your mind, but give one true purpose, a meaning to being brilliant. With this second childhood complete, Sherlock actually completed his first childhood.

Let me explain that a little better: Sherlock can now become a true adult. Because he was hampered in his physical childhood, to the best of the audience's knowledge, he never reached the emotional maturity that comes with awkward teenage years, the relationships you have in high school and university. He was stopped and never became a 'real' adult – a fully rounded human. Old Sherlock would never think of himself as incomplete, but it's because he didn't know what he was missing at all.

With that second childhood completed, with his 'true' death from Mary's gun, when he comes back to life, he is complete. He has a purpose beyond cold reason, a way forward, even if he knows he's going to give it up completely just for the person he loves to be at peace. The proof is there that he is an adult now because he doesn't even think twice about shooting Magnussen. He thinks twice about losing John.

The final circle is Sherlock's third 'death' and what that means for his future.

Sherlock jumped off the roof of St. Bart's to protect John because he knew he needed to protect him, but I don't think he fully comprehended _why_. When he willingly ends his life for John's happiness in HLV and he knows exactly the whys and hows of what he's doing. It is a fully informed, unselfish choice that he makes in shooting Magnussen for John's sake.

This circle is closing up the fall in TRF. Sherlock has come from killing someone and leaving John behind for logical and advantageous reasons to killing someone point blank just so John will be happy. Not even that John would be _safe._ Mary in peril equals John unhappy and that is the only reason he shot Magnussen, because he was hurting the ones he loves.

I fully believe he does another selfless act before he got on that airplane. Even non-shippers could tell that Sherlock wanted to say something Very Important to John before he went to his death, but if it had been to tell John he loves him that would have been very selfish indeed. John has a [safe] wife, a baby on the way, and Sherlock is going to fly off to die on the field, never giving John a chance to say something back. The cowardly way to go would have been for Sherlock to say 'I love you' then to never see him again. He gives John his future.

It fits in perfectly with my perceptions of Sherlock's growth this series that he does the adult thing and says nothing at all, making a joke out of his name, so that John can smile and they can pretend like they're going to see each other again soon. That's the new Sherlock – making John laugh while he's going to his death. Can you imagine the old Sherlock doing that at all? He's finally reached adulthood and has realized that while he might not still be wholly likeable to everyone, he doesn't want to please everyone. He wants to please John Watson, his guide, his best friend, his reason for coming back to life.

I'm not sure what this says about how he'll act in S4. I'm sure he'll still sulk, he'll still throw tantrums on his violin and he'll still say insensitive things. But he's now got the full spectrum of what it's like to be a functioning adult and I think it will make him absolutely unstoppable.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first crack at meta. If you see something I got blatantly wrong, please tell me. Thanks for giving it a look! 
> 
> Credit to arianedevere for the excellent transcripts - http://arianedevere.livejournal.com/tag/sherlock%20episode%20transcript


End file.
